London's Top Ten Nursery Rhymes

[Photo: Loren Javier]

1. Ring-a-Ring o' Roses
Ah, the Great Plague of 1665. The kind of population-decimating disease that any sane person would want to reminisce about, maybe in a charming ditty. The theory goes that the 'ring of roses' refers to the sores that appeared around the victims' mouths, that people carried posies to help disguise the smell of dead bodies, that an early symptom was to sneeze a lot and, well, the 'all fall down' bit is selfexplanatory. This theory has been widely discredited by scholars, but what do they know, eh?

2. London Bridge Is Falling Down
Today's London Bridge is an underwhelming dullard compared to its medieval incarnation. Lined with shops and even boasting a chapel in the middle, the original crossing was a bustling and vibrant place until its demolition in 1831. Unfortunately, like most medieval London structures, it wasn't the safest, which is supposedly what inspired this scaremongering song. Whether or not any 'fair ladies' actually heeded the warning is anyone's guess.

3. Oranges and LemonsWith a famous role in Orwell's '1984', this nursery rhyme is as London as they come. So what's it actually about? Well, apart from citrus fruit, it's said that the sinister closing couplet ('Here comes a candle to light you to bed/And here comes a chopper to chop off your head!') might refer to either child sacrifice or public executions. Good old eighteenth-century humour.

4. Hey Diddle Diddle
This nonsensical verse about a fiddle-playing cat and its bizarre associates is said to have a basis in historical fact. According to legend, ginger bruiser Queen Elizabeth I was nicknamed 'the cat' for her tendency to toy or 'fiddle' with her courtiers (bear with us). And the rest of the rhyme's characters supposedly represent other members of her court. But, contrary to popular belief, none of them ever jumped over the moon, so it's probably a load of complete diddle.

5. Pop Goes the Weasel
The 'Gangnam Style' of its day, this jaunty air and its accompanying dance was a massive hit in Victorian London, and greatly boosted the fortunes of the Eagle pub on City Road, namechecked in the third verse. What this ditty is actually about is inevitably disputed, but some see it as a cheery take on the bleak East End weaving industry. A spinner's 'weasel' was a mechanical device used to measure thread that apparently 'popped' when it reached the correct amount.

6. The Muffin Man
What's the betting you think this is just a cute little song about a chap who sold muffins along Drury Lane? Oh, how naive you are! The story goes that the baker in question was a real chap who used his muffins to lure children into his shop, where he would then rape and kill them. Hundreds of years from now there'll probably be a nursery rhyme called 'The 1970s TV Presenter'.

7. Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Don't worry, there's no rape, murder or even plague in this one. London writer John Byrom coined these humorous names when referring to a rivalry that broke out in the city between composers Handel and Bononcini in the eighteenth century. This was then picked up and turned into a rhyme about a petty squabble between two characters with similar appearances. In the case of Handel and Bononcini: fat, with stupid hair.

8. Little Miss Muffet
What's the deeper meaning here? Maybe Miss Muffet is Charles I and the spider is Oliver Cromwell? No, it really is just about a little girl who is eating some cottage cheese when a spider scares the crap out of her. The girl in question is said to be the step-daughter of Londoner Thomas Muffet, who was a sixteenth-century entomologist. That's someone who studies insects – which makes us suspect the spider was planted.

9. Little Boy Blue
Cardinal Wolsey is famously portrayed as wearing red, but many still maintain that 'Little Boy Blue' is a thinly veiled reference to the portly Tudor politician. In particular, it's thought that the rhyme was written to mock the famously arrogant Wolsey after his fall from Henry VIII's grace. Inviting the character to 'come blow your horn' was something that the then powerless cardinal could no longer do. Subtle meta-taunts were obviously a thing back then.

10. Mary Mary Quite Contrary
Queen Mary I, aka Bloody Mary, is said to have inspired several rhymes. But as the monarch who burned hundreds of people alive for believing in God in a different way, she's rarely mythologised favourably. Here, the growing garden of the rhyme is said to represent the growing graveyards of Mary's reign while the silver bells and cockle shells are thought to be torture devices. Mary Mary quite a contrary bitch!

Brave New World of Cholesterol - Free Nursery Rhymes



By Felicia Nimue Ackerman

Summer is here, complete with bright skies, long days and unsolicited advice about how to use your vacation to make yourself a better person and the world a better place.

Here’s my own unsolicited advice: Remind the do-gooders what the word “vacation” means. And indulge yourself by reading a delightful parody of the reformer mentality.

You may have fond memories of Mother Goose rhymes. But did you know that those rhymes are a hotbed of political incorrectness?

Dr. Douglas W. Larche knows. So he has given us “Father Gander Nursery Rhymes: The Equal Rhymes Amendment,” a book of amended Mother Goose rhymes that offers a parody, not of the originals but of the PC view that children’s entertainment should steer them in the right (that is, left) direction.

“A study of one hundred of our most popular rhymes reveals a male-dominated, able-bodied, mono-cultural fairyland filled with sexism, anger, violence, environmental and nutritional ignorance and insensitivity to the human condition,” says Dr. Larche’s superbly deadpan introduction. “It is time for a new paradigm” that attempts to “encourage environmental and nutritional consciousness, suggest family planning, urge fair treatment of children and the elderly, teach acceptance of personal responsibility, illustrate the viability of the family unit, and demonstrate cultural plurality.”

This comically clunky prose foreshadows the comical clunkiness of the amended rhymes. Here is one of my favorites:

There was an old couple

who lived in a shoe,

They had so many children

they didn't know what to do.

So they gave them some broth

and some good whole wheat bread,

And kissed them all sweetly

and sent them to bed.

There’s only one issue

I don’t understand.

If they didn't want so many children,

why didn't they plan?

Such writing highlights the wittiness of the subtitle “The Equal Rhymes Amendment,” since the amended rhymes are far from equal to the originals when it comes to literary merit. The substitution of “couple” for “woman,” the references to good whole wheat bread and family planning, and the awkward rhyme of “understand” and “plan” make the ludicrously amended poem apt to amuse adults. Children, of course, are unlikely to get the joke.

Equally amusing clumsiness is found in “Mr. and Ms. Pumpkin Eater”:

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,

Had a wife and wished to keep her.

Treated her with fair respect,

She stayed with him and hugged his neck!

And feast your eyes on the new final verse of the poem that Dr. Larche has retitled “The Spratt Family”:

Both Spratts, I’m sure of that,

Much better off would be,

To leave the fat upon the plate,

And be cholesterol-free.

Dr. Larche’s book was published nearly 30 years ago. Unsurprisingly, it runs afoul of some more recent developments in political correctness. It says that the illustrator, Carolyn Marie Blattel, “has a special purview as an achondroplastic dwarf.” Nowadays, of course, she would have “a special purview as a person with achondroplastic dwarfism,” in accordance with the stricture to put the person first. As a person who is 67 and female, I find this reminiscent of Snoopy’s insistence that the phrase “raining cats and dogs” be replaced with “raining dogs and cats.” But what can you expect of someone who was brought up on the bad old Mother Goose rhymes?

Well, one thing we outmoded types can do is have fun with Dr. Larche’s satire. I have quoted just a small sample of the amended rhymes, but you can get the book through the Providence Community Library system as well as online. So you too can soon be enjoying dozens of little clunkers that cleverly demonstrate how political correctness can corrupt children’s literature.

There’s just one catch.

Can you guess what it is?

The book is not a satire. The amended rhymes are what Dr. Larche thinks nursery rhymes ought to be. No kidding.

Felicia Nimue Ackerman, a monthly contributor, is a professor of philosophy at Brown University.

4 Botal Vodka, Johnny Johnny Inspired from Nursery Rhymes


Move over international music, Bollywood composers have found other inspirational stuff that has caught their fancy. Composers are going all out to use nursery rhymes while adding their twist to it. We bring you a few such quirky examples that have given nursery rhymes a whole new meaning...

Nursery Rhyme: Johnny Johnny Song: Johnny Johnny Film: It's Entertainment Penned by Mayur Puri, Johnny Johnny, borrowed from the famous nursery rhyme by the same name, is sung by Jigar, Priya Panchal and Madhav Krishna. Packed with all the ingredients of a hit party anthem, the song has been picturised on Akshay Kumar, Tamannaah and Krushna Abhishek. Though inspired from the nursery rhyme, the lyrics of the song are nowhere close to the original. The word sugar has been replaced with drinking, thus making it the new party nursery rhyme.

READ: Did Honey Singh copy 4 Botal Vodka from a Marathi rhyme?
Nursery Rhyme: Ye Re Ye Re Pausa Song: 4 Botal Vodka Film: Ragini MMS 2 For Maharashtrians or those who know Marathi, the poem Ye Re Ye Re Pausa sounds familiar. Looks like the poem caught none other than Yo Yo Honey Singh's attention and if you hear his recent track from the film Ragini MMS 2, 4 Botal Vodka you will see how the tune is quite similar. A twitter handle on a micro blogging site, pointed it out. It read: 'Honey Singh stole the composition of his song, "4 bottle vodka" from a childhood, Marathi rhyme. . . Yere yere pavsa (4 bottle vodka) Tula deto paisa (Kam mera rojka) Paisa zala khota (Na mjko koi roke) Paus ata motha (Na kisine roka)' (sic).

Nursery Rhyme: ABCD Song: ABCD Film: Yaariyan Only if learning alphabets was this easy. Another gem by Yo Yo Honey Singh, the song is a totally quirky version of the rhyme. Sung by Benny Dayal and Shefali Alvarez, the song makes use of only the first four English alphabets, weaving the lyrics around it. This catchy and upbeat song turned out to be quite a favourite in the party circuit.

Nursery Rhyme: Machli Jal Ki Rani Song: Machli Jal ki Rani Film: What the Fish You can feel blues and jazz in this song that is one musical rollercoaster ride. Inspired by the extremely popular rhyme, this song has been sung by Pinki and Sandeep Chatterjee. The lyrics are in a narration format and they keep the essence of the rhyme intact. It's the music added to the lyrics that makes it one trippy number.

Nursery Rhyme: Akkad Bakkad Song: Akkad Bakkad Film: Bombay Talkies Mohit Chauhan's voice and Amit Trivedi's music adds magic to this old rhyme. As catchy as the poem, the song includes the rhyme as the chorus, making it a hummable song. While original reads Akkad bakkad bambay bol, Assi nabbe poore sau, Sui se nikala dhaga, chor nikal ke bhaga, the composers of Bombay Talkies, as tribute to 100 years of cinema changed it to Akkad bakkad bombay bo, Assi nabbe poore sau, Sau sau baras ka hua, Yeh khiladi na boodha hua.
Listen to Ragini MMS 2 song '4 Botal Vodka' on Gaana.com

Film titles inspired by nursery rhymes: Machhli Jal Ki Rani Hai (2014) starring Swara Bhaskar ABCD (Any Body Can Dance) a film by Remo Dsouza Jack and Jill (2011) starred Adam Sandler 3 Blind Mice (2003) starred Edward Furlong All the King's Men (2006), a title taken from Humpty Dumpty. It starred Sean Penn. The Cat and The Fiddle (1934), musical with Jeanette MacDonald.looks just like him